Song: Thin Line, Jurassic 5
This song is the influence of this post. The lyrics go "we've been friends for a long time, a very close friend of mine. Love you like you was mine, but respect the thin line. I love you like you was mine, think about you all the time very close friend of mine, but respect the thin line" So this song is about the line between friendships and relationships.
In a previous post, I talked about throwing myself out there to make random friends. Today, it happened. I was walking to my English class. When I walk to class alone I usually listen to music. Today I decided not to listen to my iPod. I was waiting to cross the busy Wisconsin Avenue with about 8 other students. There was a moment when I could either ignore the "Don't Walk Signal" and run across the street, or I could wait for the Walk sign to change. I decided to be patient because my class didn't start for another 6 minutes. I saw this overweight man in pants that were too tight run across the street. Then he kept running down 16th Street. I realized it was my English teacher. I laughed to myself and realized I wasn't laughing alone. This guy next to me was laughing, too. I asked if he was in my English class and he said he was. Then I asked his name. "Oliver" he responded. And I told him that I am Tara. Then we continued to talk about the only thing that we know we have in common- English class. We talked about how awkward our teacher is and how he's so enthusiastic but our class doesn't really care about anything he is saying. We got to class and parted ways to our normal seats.
During class Mr. Hackbarth continued to be his awkward self, and Oliver and I shot glances across the room smiling because it was exactly what we talked about. At the end of class, I saw Oliver kind of hesitating to see if I was going to walk out with him. However, I usually walk out with my friend Rich [Daniels] and my friend Ben. So I decided I'm a fan of this Oliver kid. He's pretty cute, and we both struck up conversation out of nowhere. I decided I want to be friends with him! Being Tara, I went on Facebook and looked him up. Then I saw he had a girlfriend...why did I feel a little let down??
Maybe it is because I haven't really found any guys I am interested in yet. Maybe it is because I kind of miss the feeling of liking someone. Maybe because I cannot have him because he already has a girlfriend.
The direction I am heading right now is kind of ironic. I've heard so many times, "Can a guy and a girl be best friends without one having feelings for the other?" The fact that I am thinking about this is kind of ironic. If anyone knows anything about me it is that my best guy friends are on the same level my best girl friends. Just like the girls, I can go to each of my guys to talk about different subjects. I love them as my best friend. So, I find it ironic that I am considering this question at all. I am in no way suggesting that I have feelings for my guy friends or vis versa. But has either one of us subconsciously had feelings for the other? Or have we ignored these feelings? Or have we embraced them but been shot down?
In a friendship, if one has feelings for the other it is more difficult than any other situation to take the risk and tell his/her best friend. The fear of losing the friendship is most often the reason for not taking the risk. Now I wonder, do we become friends with these people because of our feelings or do we have these feelings because we are good friends. It is like asking which came first- the chicken or the egg. And what good comes of it when you realize what came first.
Since coming to college, I have not really found a best guy friend that I am used to having. Was it because I was still in such contact with Jack, so it felt like I didn't need it? Am I looking for a best guy friend here because I am completely single now? Is it true that a guy and a girl cannot be friends without one thinking they have feelings for the other? And at what point do they realize that we are best left at friends?
Writing this has not helped me come to a conclusion, but I have concluded that the reason I was almost turned off by Oliver having a girlfriend is because it is more difficult to get close to a guy when he has a girlfriend.
I hope I coincidentally run into him soon.
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