Teen Angst-- Cracker

Setting: Sitting on my bed, facing the beautiful Wells Street

Song: A Stone, Okkervil River

February 14. Valentine's Day. The day that originated in honor of the Italian saint, Valentine. Apparently he was a priest in Rome. Wikipedia says that he was martyred? Who knows. Who really cares about the real St. Valentine on a day of love?

Through my years of grammar school and high school, February 14th was just a day 96 hours before my birthday. It was a day of filling out pre-made cards worrying that I will accidently give one of the 11 boys a card that suggested I liked them. It was a day of candy and maybe a movie in a couple of classes. I always felt like it was a made up holiday. This year has given me a new view on the 14th day of February. Maybe my new thought is a little more positive.

I walked down to the lobby of my dorm and saw a counter full of balloons, flowers, and gift baskets. As much as I knew none of them were for me, I was still kind of hoping. I don't know who I was hoping they were from. After the first time I walked by them I decided to give up any hope that I had any gift for me on that counter. I wasn't upset by any means that I didn't have a shipment considering there is no one that should be sending one. It's the thought of having someone to expect one from. 

The rest of my day was full of Panera eating with Annie and her parents, watching I'm Not There [the Bob Dylan movie] with Erin and Jose, working on some homework at a really cool cafe, watching The Notebook with Erin and Jose [am I in a relationship with them?] going to a bar for a little bit, then watching The Little Mermaid. 

After I watched I'm Not There I wasn't in the mood to go to a basketball game. I was kind of in the mood to be by myself. I walked about a mile and a half to go to the cool cafe. I walked there listening to Bob Dylan and thinking about the beautiful weather. Since the cafe is downtown, I was able to see some of the couples going out to their nice dinners. So excited to be with their loved ones. I got to the cafe and I got a couch by the window where I continued to listen to my iPod and read about meiosis. It was a nice little date with myself. I got things accomplished and I was able to do some great people watching. I saw one couple that I know from Marquette. I saw a whole family out. I saw some couples taking horse and buggy rides, even though it wasn't ideal weather for it. And I also saw people just walking by themselves to some unknown destinations. When I was done with meiosis, I packed up and headed out of Mocha.

I was doing some thinking on this 'made up holiday' and I've come to the conclusion that, although not many people even know why St. Valentine's Day is celebrated with flowers, I'm okay with it. Although I have no one to send me flowers, that doesn't mean other people can't enjoy the flowers the receive! The day is another day for every to celebrate their love for other people. It's not a day to rub it in single people's faces that they don't have a significant other. It is just one more reason for couples to be together. 

I'm sure if I were in a relationship I wouldn't even care for the flowers, but since I'm not I want them. You always want what you can't have.  

Love On the Outside--BBMak

Setting: sitting on my bed

song: Somewhere Only We Know, Keane

[I really suggest you listen to it right now]

1. I am doing this because I am too proud to post this note on Facebook.

2. When I am at school I refer to Chicago as 'home'. But when I am in Chicago, I refer to school as 'home'.

3. I didn't really understand unconditional love until Grace was born.

4. Just like the Flaming Lips say, happiness makes me cry.

5. I love sneezing. 

6. I will pretty much be friends with anyone who wants to be my friend. 

7. It is unattractive when guys swear too much. Even more unattractive when girls swear a lot. 

8. The smell of a banana is starting to bother me less.... but I still don't like it.

9. As much as I love her, a big fear of mine is that I will end up like my mother. 

10. I do not get mad at people often because I feel like everyone makes mistakes and there was a reason why they made a mistake. If it directly affects me, then I trust that they did not do it to purposely hurt me. 

11. I don't like when a lot of attention from people I don't know is on me. I get really nervous and turn red and sweat. Therefore, it makes me nervous when other people [even people I don't know] have a lot of attention on them.

12. I used to wonder if my life was like "The Truman Show" and everyone was a hired actor.

13. I appreciate talent. It sounds so dumb, but little things like a great rally in volleyball, an amazing dance move, a really well sung note, beautiful lyrics, or a perfectly taken picture will give me the chills or make my eyes water.

14. I fall for guys just as easily as the next person, maybe fall harder, but I don't like talking about it to other people. 

15. I'm probably the best Facebooker around, this title was designated by Kevin Flannery.

16. When I meet a new group of people I will maybe be the shyest person ever. But if I meet the same group of people with two of my best friends then I feel completely comfortable. This comes from the shyness I never fully shed from my childhood.

17. Out of all my friends- from Marquette, Ignatius, the neighborhood, etc- no two are a like. And I am not like any of them. It amazes me that friendliness and compassion is enough for the foundation of a great friendship. 

18. I love traveling by myself when I leave Milwaukee. I think the feeling of independence gives me a sense of strength. When I am at home I am never allowed to do anything by myself. Walking, busing, and training by myself with just my iPod gives me time to do anything. Usually this time is occupied by bopping my head and walking in rhythm to the music I am listening to. I am allowed to act however I want because, chances are, I will never see the people who I am crossing paths with. 

19. I don't judge people because everyone is messed up and everyone has a different response to their messed up lives.

20. I'm awful at doodling, so I write song lyrics when I am bored in class.

21. I really do enjoy wearing make up now. I wish I was better at putting it on. I really hate taking it off.

22. Confidence will change anyone's outlook on life. And don't get confidence confused with arrogance.

23. I like giving advice, but I only like people very close to me give me advice.

24. I don't like following trends. A favorite quote of mine that I found recently is from Carrot by Panda Bear 'get your head out from those mags and websites who try to shape your style. take a risk just for yourself and wade into the deep end of the ocean'. 

25. Without being over-emotional, I wish I could be more open with my feelings. 

Okay, considering there are four people at most reading this [and those people already know me well] I tried thinking of things that even you didn't know. I hope I succeeded.